How Doorknobs Saved My Marriage - and my Sanity

I just went shopping for doorknobs. Let me give a few facts about our new home. It's quaint, older, in a great neighborhood, and has everything a family of four could ask for. However, we are not the first owners. I counted our doorknobs today. There are 18 total doors in our house with doorknobs. 16 of those doors are interior doors. 6 of those interior doors have locks on them. Only 1 of those 6 doors has a lock that works. That door is to the main floor bathroom.
Let me tell you why only 1 out of 16 interior doors locks in this house. Apparently, the previous owners chose to update the look of the house by spray-painting the gold doorknobs upstairs with silver spraypaint. We found this out at inspection and decided to let it go as we were in a time crunch and had bigger fish to fry. The only problem? They spraypainted every turning lock as well so that they no longer turn or function as locking knobs. The bigger problem? Guess where I get all my privacy in a house of 3 males. I love my family but even they know that I would enjoy shaving my legs, waxing my face, using the restroom, and putting on my clothes in complete privacy. I'm a girl dammit!
So on the day of the weekend that my husband took the kids to soccer and urged me to avoid cleaning, organizing, washing clothes, looking over grade school homework and brushing the dog, I could not decide what I wanted to do with my sanity time. I felt terrible anxiety leaving the house a mess and knowing that it's just waiting for us when we come back. I can't be the only one who has ever felt this way. I know that we sometimes need to just let it go and enjoy ourselves, but it's hard sometimes.
Once I was done at least tidy-ing up I had to make my decision. There were plenty of places to go: the mall, the local coffee shop, a library. There were plenty of things to do (although it's raining and I already went for a run): write, read, sew, shop, eat. But that first push out the door was rough. I really needed to do something that would be an instant relief to the current worries on my mind. So I went shopping - as I said, for doorknobs. I just google'd "Who Invented The Doorknob?" Try it. Thank you to the person who did because without doorknobs (specifically, doorknobs with locks), I might be a zombie. I might mutter classic phrases like Goldie Hawn in "Overboard". I might cry for no reason (more than once a week). I didn't purchase the doorknobs, but merely picked out a style and priced them. I'm a step closer.
It's been said that you don't know what you got till it's gone. When I had locking doorknobs, I had power. I had privacy on the spot. If you're like me, you would like to avoid admitting to your children that you do the hippity for as long as possible. If you're not like me in that aspect, I applaud you. I'm not here to make anyone blush or puke, but part of being a grown up, and a spouse with children, is being able to kindle romance in the marriage. Romance in marriage can lead to extra kindness in life which, in turn, can lead to a great influence on your children and hopefully they take that with them in their marriages.
With locking doorknobs we can also let our family members know that we need privacy, a moment, or just the ability to keep our smells and sounds confined until we have a chance to spray. I will admit that I was an only child growing up. We had one non-locking bathroom and that was good enough for me cause the toilet was behind the door and I could use my foot as a doorstop. I can't claim to know what it's like sharing with brothers and sisters, but I do feel that if the knobs were initially intended to lock, I could at least expect my bedroom and my bathroom door to lock. I also feel a need to provide a lock on our guest bedroom door so that my children don't wake up at the crack of dawn and stare at our guests as they sleep until they are ready to get up and start the day.
So, upon "window shopping" for doorknobs and then taking the time to vent about my knob frustrations, I am back to 50% sanity and when we install the knobs next weekend I will ring the bell at 99.9% and maybe next time I'll go shopping for some toe socks.

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaa

Tale As Old As Time OR How Snakey Baken Touched Our Lives

So, if you don't know who Snakey Baken is, he's the teeny tiny corn snake who came to our house on Christmas last year. He was about 6 inches long and had the girth of my pinky finger. We suspected that he would show up on this particular holiday so, before commiting to welcoming him into our home, I went all out to make the most of the "first pet" our oldest boy would own. I did everything right. I bought an educational book on how to have a corn snake for a pet. I forced my son to read the book from cover to cover so he could take a customized test (that I took lots of time to prepare). If he didn't pass the test, there was no way we would allow the snake in our home. After passing the test with flying colors, our son also had to sign a contract. This particular contract stated many important oaths to feed the snake, assist in cleaning the terrarium, handle the snake on a regular basis and so on... It also included the agreement to ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS close the lid properly because corn snakes are escape artists. My son, a very strong willed child, willing to prove to his parents that he was capable of caring for his first pet, did everything he was supposed to do. Survived corn snake 101. Stuck around for the defrosting and demise of every pinkie (dead pink baby mouse) to make sure Snakey Baken was fed properly. And any time that snake was out of his terarrium, the boy was sure to press the lid closed until he heard a "snap". One day, I went to get Snakey Baken some fresh water and was fully prepared for him to drop out of the bottom of his water bowl (where he loved to hide) then I could scream for no reason and pour him a fresh drink from the bathroom sink. Only, this time, he did not drop out. I looked underneath and, when I didn't see him there, figured he was in the log. When I got back from the bathroom, I started to question the last time I saw Snakey Baken in the tank. I prepared to lift the log, scream for no reason when he wiggled, and place the log back down. Only, this time, he was not in the log. I pulled back the plastic plant, looked under the basking rock, man I looked everywhere. It was then that I had calculated that I had not seen Snakey Baken in three days. I retracted the last three days of Snakey Baken's life and came to the conclusion that I had possibly been the last one to see him and change his water bowl. Within that conclusion, I began to question my thoroughness in closing his lid. I knew I had always closed it, but could not recall the "snap" sound that my son had always listened for. In fact, as I dwelled on it, I walked back over to the tank and saw that I had not closed it properly at this moment either. I fell to the ground. Not in the realization that I was the worst corn snake owner in the world, but just to see if I could catch up with S.B. on his expedition to anywhere. Alas, he was already three days ahead of me. The next few hours were bundles of fun: heater vents were removed, furniture was shuffled around, bedding was disheveled, laundry baskets were emptied. I spent the next day in Snakey Baken's shoes (or belly bottom) slithering on the ground asking, "If I were a Snake, where would I go?" Do I really need to say it? Snakey Baken was a pleasure to have around for two whole months, but I did not close the the lid properly. It left a hole about the girth of my pinky finger and Snakey Baken found it, probably on day one. Never to be seen again. Dead nor alive.
The point of this story? It will haunt me the rest of my life. It will come up over every discussion of how to take care of a pet. Unfortunately for me, it will also come up over holiday get togethers, after a couple glasses of wine, and whenever I try to point out someone else's failure to be responsible. You get it. It will go down in history as "the time that mom made a big deal about how one should care for a corn snake and then let the snake escape"! I'm not the only one who has an event in their life that will go down in the family file under "remember that one time?" I'm not done by any means...

To be continued...

Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaa

The Age of Electronics

I'm thinking that the generation of today's children is pegged as the e-generation. Back when I was a kid the GameBoy was one of just two handhelds to have. Now, our kids can have a range of handheld electronics (not just games). Let's see, we have the ipad, the ipod, an array of cell phones, the Nintendo DS to name one handheld video game player, I'm sure there's more but I don't have all night. I think if I could have had a cell phone when I was a kid, I'd probably pass on the bagphone.
I admit that I use the DS or my cell phone to keep a situation under control during what I like to dub the "chaos hour on-the-go". Let me clarify. There's a time of the day I like to call "CHAOS HOUR!!!" dun dun dun! This is the time of day that my children decide to compete in decibels and energy levels. It's also a time of day I like to call "Daddy's Home!" because they usually coincide with eachother. There's a little switch that flicks when Daddy enters the house and in the depths of my kids brains they ultimately have to make Daddy believe that it's been like this all day and mom really has no control whatsoever. The worst part? The dog loves to join in on chaos hour. This 10+ year old dog becomes a puppy for chaos hour and for some reason snorts and sneezes repetitively. So, take Chaos Hour and take it on the road, or to a football game, a restaurant... you get the picture. Thank you Nintendo for taking a video game console and making it portable. Sorry, Sega.
My opinion is that my generation is well aware that our children could easily become a generation fully dependent on electronics. Seriously, I saw a commercial where a kid was happy to watch a movie on his device while he was at the beach. It made me sick to my stomach. But, I think many of us are up to the challenge of not limiting our children's worlds to 4 inches in front of their face. I've been paying attention to children and their devices. I've been to soccer games, a college football game, malls, grocery stores, parks, restaurants, etcetera, etcetera. I'm pretty impressed that most kids are still reading books made from trees, they are throwing wood chips and playing tag. Kids are talking to eachother, running amok, talking out of turn and not watching where they're going (because they have too much energy, not because they have their heads in an electronic).
I can't give myself credit for setting limits and using electronics as a reward, not a babysitter. I give many people credit for being aware. Sure, there are those who give electronics a bad name. Why else would there be movies showing teenagers mass texting or texting from the next room? It's true to a point. But you can't say we are not aware. You can't say we rely on electronics to find serenity in our day. We still find happiness in doing it "old school" with books and paint and kites. However, I do enjoy humor about kids who are confused when they see a rotary phone or a phone booth. Still, kudos to us! Kudos to us.

Making the Kid Cry

We recently decided to watch a classic by the name of "Where the Red Fern Grows" with our two boys. We were both pretty excited to introduce a movie based on literature to our kids. I think 50% of the family is finally done with "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs" which is just fun to request because the kids call it "Cloudyballs". The best part of watching a scary movie you've already seen is watching it with someone who is seeing it for the first time. You can't wait to see their reactions to your favorite parts.
In the event of a drama, I think it's the same. This may be a confession, or it may have you nodding your head in agreement but my husband and I both knew the movie would be sad, we both knew it had the potential to make our 8-year-old cry, and we both could not wait till that part came. It seems pretty messed up when I put it that way but I think, deep down, we like to use these types of movies as opportunities to see what kind of kids we have. I truly wanted to know the level of compassion my kid would have for this kid who lost one dog to tragedy and the other dog to a broken heart. Movies like E.T. can tell a lot about sensitivity, compassion, attachment and how a child values relationships. So, of course, our son ended up crying at the end, during the montage of the dogs who had passed (this is the Dave Matthews version of the movie, by the way). And, of course, we felt like big jerks for letting it happen. But in the end, we also gained an opportunity to talk about what the boy would do next, how he would deal with it, and how we would deal with the loss of our pet if it ever came. It sure beats bringing down the conversation over dinner in a random fashion. Anyhow, my poll of the week is related to this post. Vote on it if you like. If you think of any other movies that can be used to open up converstations with children, comment below. I just picked the first five that came to mind. Don't laugh!

Love,
Marthaaaa!

Welcome!!

Hi! Thanks for visiting my bliggity blog. This is my first one ever and I have no idea what the heck I'm doin'. A while back I started a small newsletter called "The Conversation Piece" and over the course of a year the "Piece" began to grow. Being a stay-at-home mom running a home daycare I found it hard to keep up with publishing the newsletter. Well thanks to the speed of technology, I can sit here while my infant chews on my sleeve for five minutes and VOILA I can produce a lot more information for families than I used to. I'm seeing about getting the band back together - meaning the band of writers and artists who contributed to the original newsletter. I hope you enjoy some of our archives as I get them posted. I'm going to beg them for some new stuff here pretty soon.

Get With It

So every so often I linger back to this old blog of mine and read the old stuff. I'm not embarrassed to say I crack myself up. Especially my entry on going to the grocery store without a pen. That was an adventure I'm proud to say I have not repeated since. It's been a long time since I've written an entry yet there have been plenty of opportunities to share my nutso stories that you can probably relate to. I'm getting with the times and finally figuring out how to link up blog with facebook with twitter with the toilet seat handle and the garage door opener. If I can sync them together, I think I'll save a lot more time.
My current status in life is married with two boys - 8 and 4. What an adventure. I am happy to say that the family has agreed on a having a girl soon. We just have to search the internet, find one that needs a home, build a fence and we're set! Wait, maybe the fence should come first.
Hopefully I'm back for a while. The creative juices have always been flowing, it's just time to look behind the old marinades and condiments, pull the juice out, check the expiration date, and pour the juice out. The great part is that, even if the juice is old, I can pour it on the page and it's still relevant. Just watch for chunks!

Love Marthaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

I Kid You Not!

I'm starting a new topic based on an experience I had at church over the weekend. This discussion is reserved for those of you who have had some of the most embarrassing moments with your children...

Fire Plan Exit Strategies - Contributed by Denise Meyer

We are aware of how important it is to have a Fire Safety Plan, which includes having two ways to exit from every room in your home, regularly tested smoke detectors, and a meeting place for your family. But how does that plan differ when there are more babies than adults? What if you are alone with 3, 4, 5 or more babies?

Although prevention is vital, a good place to start when planning your strategy is proactive preparation. Most experts agree that you have less than 3 minutes to exit a burning building, which is not enough time for multiple trips. So the best way is to carry everyone out in one trip, which seems easier said than done. Here are a few ideas that make it possible:

Test Kitchen: No Eggs French Toast

We recently found out that our 7 month old is allergic to just about every ingredient the nutrition facts have to warn you about. Peanuts, Milk and Eggs are among the list. Not only do we have to be careful of the foods we feed him, but the doctor reminded me that Breastfeeding is best especially for babies with allergies. But because he eats what I eat, I have to maintain the same cautious diet. So I’m dedicated to providing breast milk until he’s one year old when he’ll be retested for his allergy to soy and see if that supplement will even be possible. In the interim, I have been adjusting to the fact that I used to eat at least two servings of Peanuts, Milk and Eggs daily and now I have none. There was actually a one-month period of withdrawals and nausea because of that drastic change. Now that my options are limited I have had to come up with new ideas on how to enjoy meals the rest of the family will like, minus the ingredients I cannot have...

Summerize Your Kitchen

The spring season has arrived and of course summer is just around the corner. This is a great opportunity to shed the winter hibernation weight and take advantage of the seasonal growth of veggies and fruits. Here are a few tips on how to encourage healthier eating for your family while preparing for a busy season of outdoor activities...

Confession of the Month

To my dear husband,
I know you hate it when I forget to fill up and add the Downey Ball to the washing machine. When I remember that I forgot, I throw the empty ball in just in case you check.
Love Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaartha

The Mother's First Encyclopedia to Stains

I do my laundry on Thursdays. I take that back. I START my laundry on Thursdays. And by Sunday I have most of those clothes in their assigned rooms. Sometimes, by Monday, they are actually in the drawers and closets in which they belong. For some reasons never previously specified… I HATE LAUNDRY! In the first 25 years of my life I never once needed a stain remover and it took me under two hours to get all my laundry done (when my mommy wasn’t doing it for me anymore). When my first son was born, stain remover became a staple in the home and laundry was completed in under two days. Now, as a full time mom in charge of the household laundry for four residents, I have become accustomed to my own technique of getting the grueling task done…

If You Can't Say Anything Nice...

After our recent week in Chicago I realized that online reviews aren’t always the most reliable sources. The hotel we stayed at was a decent place to stay but the maintenance of the rooms proved to be slightly neglected in our experience. With two children in tow we had to move rooms in the first ten minutes because my husband couldn’t access the Internet that he had requested for business. Luckily we hadn’t yet unpacked...

Tools of the Trade: Travelling Food Processor

Do you ever wish you had brought something along with you and tell yourself numerous times that you'll be sure to add it to your purse, car, diaper bag when you get home, for next time? Well, if you're anything like me, by the time you get home you've forgotten that thought and the next time you get out, you find yourself looking for the item again. So scratch that idea of packing a million little things you'll need later. Now, enter the MacGyver in all of us (and if you don't know who MacGyver is, then you must be young enough to know what Google is). Back to MacGyver...

So Who Is Martha Fish?

Ever since I started my blog I have had moms asking who Martha Fish is. Others who know my personality and writing knew right away that it was me and not a whole other person. My mother did not realize right away and simply figured I found someone who loved to babble on as much as I do on paper Martha Fish is the name I came up with one day as I was writing an article for the old newsletter. After having the name come to mind, I didn’t actually use it in writing until two years later. I guess you could say that Martha Fish is an alter ego of sorts. She’s not the opposite of myself but rather a more focused version. Martha is my mirror image. It’s how I get myself to step outside and look back in. The reason for this is that, if I am not Martha Fish, I tend to be myself . And as myself, I cannot “just write”. If I were to start writing and then get up for a cup of coffee, I would then veer off toward the laundry room and start to fold clothes. Keep in mind I never made it to the kitchen for that cup of coffee. After folding laundry I would then proceed to let the dog out and while waiting for him to do his business, I would remember that my plants need water and I would walk over to the kitchen sink and pull out the watering can. At that moment the dog would bark and I would abandon the watering can to let him in. Upon letting the dog in I would realize that my five year old has decorated the glass on our backdoor with fingerprints and blowfish prints. I would then look everywhere for a bottle of glass cleaner that does not currently exist in the house because I forgot to buy it during the last two grocery trips. You can pretty much realize that I would never make it back to the computer to complete my thoughts.

So I choose to write as Martha. She’s calm and collected. She’s not afraid to write what she really thinks about motherhood and, most importantly, she gets the writing done. Martha never would have needed a cup of coffee in the first place. Martha writes as I stand watch on the kids - arms folded, eyes wide open and knees slightly bent so I don’t pass out. That’s how I escape the day for a good 15 minutes at a time, but I can’t do it without her. And once she’s done writing, I get back to myself and write glass cleaner on my grocery list.

Do you have an alter ego in you? Share it with other moms! Click on “Post a comment" below and tell us about it. (All postings are screened for appropriate content).

Poliwog #2 - Created by Chryss Gon

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Test Kitchen

My husband’s uncle recently hooked me up with a giant stack of Rachel Ray magazines. I’ve never been a coupon clipper or recipe collector because I’m scatterbrained enough. The last thing I need is little pieces of paper to organize. So, unless the recipe is used more than five times, I usually leave it in the book in which it originates. In my first day of going through the magazines...

Tools of the Trade

Not until I became a mom and a home daycare provider did I start to envision ordinary objects becoming new and improved tools. I did learn from my step dad, at a young age, that a skateboard could take out the trash. But since becoming a mother, I have also given birth to a second brain. What I like to call the shortcut sector. The inventor I never knew.
I paid attention to my child and the other children I take care of and I can walk through a super store and tell you exactly which items will become unknown teething tools, which will eventually be imagined as weapons and which will be in the next yard sale. If I don’t already know, I will find out soon enough. A lot of my discoveries come from repeating the phrase “There’s gotta be another way!” and then just trying things that don’t make sense at first...

Thought of the Week - Contributed by Peggy Loftus

Life is Like Stewed Tomatoes?

Somehow in August this year I ended up with a bushel of homegrown tomatoes...and I don't have a garden. So, I had to find something to do with all these tomatoes. When I was growing up my parents canned and froze A TON of food from our 1/2 acre garden. "Hey!", I thought to myself, "why don't you stew the tomatoes and put them up." A lovely thought but I have never canned anything in my life and didn't want to learn on my own without my mom around to teach me. I called my mom, explained my predicament and she simply said, "well, freeze them." Duh! So she gave me basic directions and one morning I set to work.

Back to Basics

After meeting, dating, and then marrying my husband I was relieved to think I would never have to worry about being single again. I wouldn’t have to go through the guessing and the wondering about where a relationship might take me. Although I sometimes miss the early days of being shy and feeling giddy, I am very proud of what my husband and I have accomplished to get to this point of comfort and predictability in our lives.
So I was done with the single, dating life right? Well, the truth is, as humans, we still thrive on new relationships now and then. When I moved from California to Illinois I had to make a choice. Was I ready for new relationships or was I destined to try and translate literature with my husband while he frustratingly drew power circuits to the most basic degree just to help me understand what it is he does all day? I needed peers. I needed moms. I needed friends...