My son asked me the other day why some people don't believe in heaven. This didn't come as a surprise to me because I often lose sleep over the inevitable questions that will come out of my children's mouths someday. My husband and I do our best to teach our son the acceptance of the beliefs of others. He understands that we are all different and yet all the same. We are all human but we all see the world through our own set of eyes. He understands that we are just as odd to others sometimes as they may seem to us, yet that is what makes us so similar...
Anyhow, I explained to him as many different examples of religious and non-religious beliefs I could think of. I am, by no means, an expert at being P.C. but I live by giving examples to illustrate what I mean. When we were done, my son concluded our conversation by saying, "I bet a lot of people think we are strange for talking to someone we can't even see."
As small a moment as that was, it made me look back at all the ways I have depended on my faith to help me survive the harder times in my life. Today, as I searched for some old writing, I came across a letter I had emailed to my dad. It was an "email" to my Nani who had just passed away. I didn't make it to her funeral (which I will eternally regret) but I asked my dad to read the letter at the eulogy. Like most letters, I had written it and sent it off expecting never to think of it again. But, now looking at it, I saved a part of time that I can explain to my son was my way of believing in my faith. Even the date on the letter was a reminder of the time, it happened to be my birthday. Although the letter may not make complete sense to the outside reader, I hope it makes you ask yourself, what would I write?
January 22, 2006
To: Naniflowers@heaven.com
Dear Nani,
I think you know how it breaks my heart that I decided not to go to California and your funeral and services. But I also know that you will remember how much I love you. When I tell people that I lost my “grandmother” I didn’t hurt so much inside but when I first said that I lost my Nani I hurt very badly because that’s when it hit me. I’m glad that you went to heaven now because you had a chance to do so many things that you dreamed of and you were able to see all of your grandchildren grow up and have babies of their own. You also got to see one grandchild that was not so grown up. You were also able to see many great grandchildren born.
If there are things I remember about growing up and being with you I remember these things:
Your frijoles and rice
You used to give me pink sugar wafers for treats
You smiled when I went into the garage even though you knew Papa didn’t want girls in there
You let me sleep in one morning even though Papa was mad about it
You called me “mija”
You laughed at the funny things I said
You cut gum out of my hair one time
You had a window from your kitchen to the living room and I remember your face through there
You couldn’t hear very well
You always sang songs
You loved to dance
You bought me some crazy shirts at the second hand store and I wish I had kept them all
One day, you were shorter than me
You used to buy me presents from my dad and you always signed cards for him just so I knew he still loved me
You always asked how Dave was, and you really didn’t have to do that if you didn’t want to
You still loved my mom
Your dogs were always so crazy
You let Keith get away with anything
You let me get away with anything
You had the biggest heart
You loved everyone the same
There are many other things I still remember and I bet you remember them too. I keep wishing I could see you again and I told Ethan that I have been sad because I miss Nani very much and I didn’t tell him that you were gone, I just said that I miss you. Then Ethan patted my back and said “Don’t be sad mommy, you’ll see her again.” He doesn’t know how right he is.
I named him Ethan because the name reminds me of Nathan and now I’m very happy because even though my grandpas are in heaven with Nathan already, I think all children deserve to have a Nani nearby and now Nathan has you. I still want you for myself, but I knew someday we’d all have to share you. Nathan has waited a long time to see you again. Tell him I love him and I’ll meet him someday but not for a very long time, I have to watch my little boy grow up and I have to see all my grandchildren born and I’m very stubborn like my Nani so I’m not going to heaven till I’m very very old and have had a wonderful life like you always seemed to enjoy.
I miss you Nani.
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